you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
They took my balls.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
