so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
It was a blind-side dick pic.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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