I don't usually arrange sex via text message
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
