He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
