i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize