My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I am mentally ready for anal.
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