everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
