I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
