Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
