Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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