I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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