I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Randomize
