i permit you to call me
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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