If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
