Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(443): View more from Maryland

he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it

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(626): View more from California

You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.

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(937): View more from Ohio

Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.

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(785): View more from Kansas

You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.

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Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Read it at the TFLN blog
(518): View more from New York

Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.

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(250): View more from British Columbia

Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.

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(973): View more from New Jersey

Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."

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(423): View more from Tennessee

I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican

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(212): View more from New York

Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys

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