it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!