I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
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defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
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Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.