I'm so fucking centered right now
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
