Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
