slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
