So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
