My first STD was from a foam party
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
