I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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