i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
