Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
My dick has a subreddit
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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