It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
