I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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