My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
