Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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