Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I just googled if crying burns calories
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
