I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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