I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
