I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
