Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
