Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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