My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Randomize
