They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
