Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
