Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
