My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
