The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
