the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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