Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
