I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
