I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
