I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
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