if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
