So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
