hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Two words: nipple clamps
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