This dress was meant to end up on your floor
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
