He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
