You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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