i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I'm jealous of your bromance
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
