Who did Billy Mays play for?
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
