Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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