I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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