yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Randomize
