how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
