My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
