I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
this just has baby written all over it
Sober January is a disaster.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
