Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
My vagina just clenched in fear
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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