Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
