3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
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