for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Who put my cat in the fridge?