This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize