I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.