The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
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The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
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I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.