Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
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