porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic