My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
