Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Randomize
