I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
