For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
it's great music for shaving your balls
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
