bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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