You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
You are the jesus of drinking
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I need a beard to bite.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
