come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
