can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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