Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
