he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
