I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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