i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
