her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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