Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
